To excel in life, to be the best in your chosen field, to fulfill your dreams and goals, to be happy, it takes more than hard work. Being mentally and emotionally strong, especially when hardships, challenges, and obstacles come your way, is what will help you obtain happiness, success and greatness.

1. Be Grateful

Each morning before your feet hit the floor, state three things you are grateful for, and every day it should be something different.

2. Be Willing To Change

The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

If what you’re doing isn’t working, stop doing it and make the necessary changes. However, you must recognize that nothing stays the same, so the way you have always done things may have to be altered to get a different result. If you’re trying to lose weight and you do the same exercise routine for months, your body will get used to that routine and you will stop dropping pounds. Change the routine and keep the body guessing.

     3. Be Mindful

Before you look at any electronic devices, e.g. cellphone, laptop, to check out your social media pages or TV for the news or weather of the day, take 30 minutes to watch motivational and empowerment videos or mediate, do yoga or a light workout, or read a book.
These alternate choices will prepare you mentally to take on the world and be able to deal with what comes your way during the day.

     4. Believe In Yourself

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t—you’re right.” – Henry Ford

The whole world, including your family and loved ones, may not believe in you, but who cares. As long as you believe in yourself that’s all that matters. Forget people who talk bad about you or who doubt your skills or talent. What other people think isn’t important. It’s what you tell yourself that matters most. Despite the challenges you may face on a daily basis, it is your firm belief in your dreams and goals that will help you get through and achieve.

Several celebrities and millionaire business people started off at rock bottom, but they believed in themselves despite what others said or what was going on around them.

Tyler Perry became homeless as he launched his first play and paid out of pocket for production. Not many folks showed up. For the next six years, he lived in his car or in run down motels, who had mainly crackheads for guests. Today, he is a TV and movie entertainment mogul and most famous for his “Madea” movies. However, Perry is also a successful businessman. He is the only African-American to own a movie and TV studio which rests on 330 acres of land in Atlanta, GA.
When Ed Sheeran was getting started as a singer he started on the street corners singing for money. After he lost his place to live and had to bum around on friends’ or strangers’ couches. When things got really bad he had to sleep on the Central Line train in London or outside Buckingham Palace. Now, Sheeran is a Grammy award winning singer, who recently made a cameo on the hugely popular TV show “Game of Thrones.”

Even though both of them have stated in interviews that there were times when they wanted to quit because things seem hopeless and they got tired of struggling every day, the bottom line is they believed in themselves and kept pushing forward to success.

5. Take Responsibility

It is imperative that you take 100% responsibility for the successes and failures in your life. Stop blaming the world and everyone else for your life and crap that has happened to you. Mentally strong people look at what they did to cause their life to be what it is. What choices or decisions, even if they’re bad ones, did you do, and then take responsibility. If you stayed in a toxic, unhealthy relationship for years, which caused you not to fulfill your dreams and goals that was your choice. If you stayed at that job you hate, the one that was so stressful you got physically sick, that was your choice. If you never went to college, or back to college, so you could get a better job or change career paths, that’s your choice. If you had a kid and you weren’t ready financially and now you’re struggling, that’s your choice. You make decisions every day of your life, make better ones and own up to the times when your choices, behaviors or decisions sucked. Don’t beat yourself up about it, just make better choices in the future.

  6. Be A Student Of Learning

Each day is an opportunity for you to learn something new. Whether you read books, look at motivational and empowerment videos online, take classes or go to lectures, seminars or workshops, mentally strong people, who are striving for greatness, are always seeking an opportunity to learn because they view it as an essential part of continued growth.

    7. Be Positive

Are you the half glass empty or the half glass full type of person? Do you view the world, and your life, as if everything is going to hell in a handbasket or do you find joy even when life gets tough? Adopting the mentality of being positive will help you have an optimistic attitude, which is important for your mental and emotional health.  Being negative, whining, bitching, and moaning not only affects you mentally, which can cause depression, but physically. It creates stress in your body, which makes you sick, weakens your immune system for colds, panic attacks, strokes, or heart attacks.   To help you reduce stress take up a hobby you love – swimming, yoga, painting, dancing. Anything to help you relax and unwind.

8. Forgive and Don’t Hold Grudges

If you are a mentally tough person you know you don’t have time to waste time, and that means you don’t bother with holding grudges, which will drain you mentally and emotionally. When you forgive someone who has done you wrong, you do it for you, not them. All that anger and toxic energy inside you will only rot your body and mind, but it will cause you stress. Not saying you should forget when people have done you wrong, nor are you condoning their actions, but forgive them in order to have joy and peace in your life. Obviously, if this person, or people, has done things to hurt or harm you in anyway, you may need to cut them from your life.

Also, mentally strong people know that if they are the one who screwed up and hurt someone else they need to be the first to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

9. Cultivate Strong Relationships

The five people you spend the most time with are a reflection of you and you will eventually become like those people. If all your friends smoke, and you don’t, eventually you will. If your friends don’t exercise, you won’t either. If your friends want to hang at the clubs every weekend, you’ll be right there with them drinking and eating bad foods.  The closest people you interact with on a daily basis influence your actions and behaviors. You must weed out toxic and negative individuals who are holding you back, who add little value to your dreams and goals, and who hurt you by pulling you backwards. It’s okay when you’ve outgrown people and you might have to let them go.
Surround yourself with go-getters, innovators, people who dream big, individuals who are living a physically healthy life, and people who can help you learn and grow.

Now there are exceptions to this rule. A person can be around positive, healthy, and influential people and he still never gets his act together. But what that means is this person’s friends will eventually stop being their friend and will move on to other like-minded people.

A side note – friends, can also mean family members.

10. Don’t Waste Time Having Pity Parties

Everybody has lived through pain in their lives. No one is immune to shit happening to them. So, you are not special. Stop wallowing in self-pity, don’t keep count of who did you wrong and all they did to hurt you. Stop tripping that you’ve had the worst life ever, because believe this - there are other people who’ve had it much worse than you. When you stay in that self-pity mode and relive the pain over and over each day, it weakens your mind and body. That mental frame of mind also limits your ability to solve problems and see positive solutions. See Rule #7.

It’s futile to wallow in your problems, exaggerate your misfortune and keep score of how many hardships you’ve endured. Whether you’re struggling to pay your bills or experiencing a serious health problem, throwing a pity party only makes things worse. Self-pity keeps you focused on the problem and prevents you from developing a solution.

Hardships and sorrow are inevitable, but feeling sorry for yourself is a choice. Even when you can’t solve the problem, you can choose to control your attitude. This goes back to Rule #1.
Each person has roughly 70,000 thoughts a day. The ultimate goal is to transform your way of thinking in order to become a little better each day with a strong mind and emotions that are healthy and positive.

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Some people are born fighters, those who know how to kick butt no matter what stands in their way. Others need to learn how to find their fighting spirit in order to knock down obstacles and barriers or to come back from a devastating event, situation or experience.

Psychological resilience is defined as “an individual's ability to successfully adapt to life tasks in the face of social disadvantage or highly adverse conditions.”

Everybody deals with setbacks and negative situations in various ways. Some people dwell on a problem until they make themselves physically sick. Others turn to drugs or alcohol or sex. Some people have violent outburst – cursing, throwing things, striking loved ones, or other dangerous behaviors. Unhealthy coping mechanisms to life’s challenges only make things worse and the road to recovery much more difficult and longer.

Anyone who has resilience does feel the same pain, grief, hurt, or disappointment as someone who lacks resilience. They may even give themselves a brief period of time to be sad, upset, or pissed off.  However, resilient people do have a different mental mindset. They know shit happens. Whether they are dealing with a death of a loved one, loss of a job, a divorce, medical issues, financial problems, violence like assault or a terrorist attack, their attitude and outlook puts them in a position to deal with their feelings in a productive way and as a result they bounce back sooner.

Bottom line, resilience means a person has developed proper coping techniques when faced with difficult times or situations. Due to their optimistic attitude, mental toughness, emotional strength, or faith and belief system, they have the ability to overcome whatever situation they are going through and resume functioning in healthy and productive ways.

Can Resilience Be Learned?

Two people can be dealing with the same situation, but they’ll handle the problem in two different ways. There are those people, like the father whose son was killed by a drunk driver and he went on start a support group for other parents who had lost children to those who drink and drive, or the person who lost her job and then started her own business, or the woman who couldn’t have children and instead she adopts, or the veteran who lost a leg in the war, but he continues to climb mountains because that’s what he loves to do. These people exhibit resilience. They will grow after failure or setbacks or hardships. They will view what has happened to them as a learning experience or an opportunity to grow to be a better person. People like these will succeed and excel despite dealing with difficult, or even horrific circumstances.

On the other hand, you can have the same people experience what was mentioned about and they will collapse, be quick to crumble under pressure and adversity, and go into a downward spiral of depression, bitterness and despair. They can remain that way for weeks, months, or even years.
Many people think resilient people are born that way because it’s in their DNA.  Others, believe people acquire it as they go through like and they experience different things.  Then you have religious folks who believe resilience is a part of their faith. Many psychologists, however, say resilience can be taught.

Through coaching and/or education behaviors could be adjusted and attitudes shifted and you can become a person who has a high level of resilience.

Aristotle said: “There is nothing good or bad in this world, it’s only the mind that makes it so.”

For people lacking resilience there are ways to strengthen your ability to find your fighting spirit.

 10 Steps to Finding Your Fighting Spirit 

1) Self Talk

Every thought you have about yourself, your life, the people in your life, and the world and how you see it is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Remember you’re listening to you. Make those words and thoughts positive and uplifting, not negative and despairing. Yes, it may sound corny, but see the glass half full, not half empty.

2) Look In The Mirror and See a Survivor, Not a Victim

If you have dealt with any hardships, obstacles, challenges, setbacks, failures, tragedies, etc., and who hasn’t, you might want to wallow in a bowl of despair, feel like the world is out to get you, or life isn’t fair, but that is the talk of a victim. See Step #1. It is vital to look in the mirror and see a survivor. Bad things are going to happen to you, that’s an inevitable part of life. See yourself as the person who took a beating, but who got up every time you got knock down. You got through it. You dug down deep, pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and you survived. That makes you no victim.

3) Take Control Over Your Life

It is easy to blame other people or outside elements for what is going wrong in your life. So much crap may have happened to you that you have a valid point to be pissed at life, but then you would lose control over your own life.  No matter what the situation, you control how you will deal with it and how you will allow it to affect your life.

4)  Self-Esteem Helps To Alleviate Stress and Builds Resilience

Your self-esteem may take a nose dive after something bad happens to you. If you lose a job you may think you weren’t good enough in that role. If you can’t find a good man or woman to love you may think you’re not smart or attractive. Psychologists have found during research that self-esteem is important when it comes to coping with stress and recovering from difficult incidents. No matter what is happening in your life, remember Step #1. Also, think about all the great qualities you do have. Look at what you have accomplished so far in life. Remind yourself that you are a work in process and you continue to get better each and every day.

5) Find a Sense of Purpose in Your Life

When all seems lost and life is coming at you full force, find a sense of purpose in your life. It isn’t all about you and what you’re going through because there are so many people who have it worse off than you. Take your anger, pain, or frustration and use it for good by helping others. Whether that’s mentoring someone who is in need or reading to the blind, find something to do that gives you joy and a sense of purpose. Helping others lets you see just how good you got it. Be grateful.

6) Get A Good Support System

When life hits you hard no one can come through it alone. Surround yourself with loving, caring and supportive people who have your best interest at heart. It is also good to have a group of people in your life you can confide in and get things off your chest. No, those people can’t make your problems go away, but you will get the support you need and encouraging feedback. They may also have suggestions on how you can deal with the issues in your life.

7) You have two choices being optimistic or pessimistic

Your attitude is of the utmost importance when it comes to having resilience. If you sit around whining, crying, bitching, and moaning about things that go wrong in your life, that will keep you in a state of despair. Without hope that things will get better, resilience cannot bloom. Being pessimistic about what has happened to you in life - someone who has done you wrong, how you can’t catch a break, why life is so unfair -these thoughts will only keep you miserable and others around you. On the other hand, if you work to stay optimistic during difficult times, and focus on the good things you do have going on in your life, that positive and hopeful attitude will help you get through any dark period faster.

8) Love Yourself

When people are stressed or under extreme pressure, they tend to neglect their own needs and health. Some people lose their appetite or they eat too much ice cream, cake and cookies or other unhealthy food, they turn to alcohol, they don’t get enough sleep, they stop exercising. Make time for you and doing the things you love, despite what drama and craziness is going on in your life. Love yourself by doing something special just for you, like a day at a spa, or a mini vacation, or buying a new article of clothing. Do things that will lift your spirits. By loving yourself, and caring for your needs, you will be in a better position to face adversity and life’s challenges.

9) Be Proactive

There is no magic pill you can take to make all the bad things go away or go back in time to prevent something. So instead of wallowing in self-pity, start working on finding ways to solve a problem or issue. Each day you should be working on ways to make the situation better, even if those are baby steps. The solution most likely will not be fast or simple, but you’re planning your next steps and eventually your life will shift and change for the better.

10) Get Help

When life gets so overwhelming you can’t think straight you may need to get help. There are a variety of ways to do this from joining a support group to seeing a psychologist. It takes time to heal and sometimes going to a trained professional will help you get better much faster. In the end you will survive and thrive and that’s what resilience is all about.


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Dream Killers

Since I was a young girl, I have always had the notion that all people dream about amazing, wonderful, creative, and exciting things. I guess I thought that way because since I can remember I’ve been a writer. As a girl I was an avid reader and writing essays came natural to me. Stories took me away from the crazy, sometimes unpredictable life I had as a black girl being raised by my African-American mother and white stepfather, who was a member of the Italian Mafia. Not your typical household, for sure.

Although my mother instilled in me that I should get a college degree, a job that I could earn a decent salary, and get married and have children that was her life for me. However, I had other things in mind for my life. The rebel, that’s what my mother and other family members called me because I wanted to become a filmmaker. That was unheard of in the 70’s. There were few female or African-American filmmakers during that time.

To make matters worse in my mother’s eyes, I was a martial artist and a tomboy. Not the dainty, little lady she wanted me to be. She always said to me, “You’re not gonna find a good husband that way.” When I told my mother I wanted to compete in martial arts, she refused to pay for my lessons. At twelve years old, I got my first job delivering newspapers so I could pay for classes. Despite what my mother said, it was my dream to not only get a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but to compete against males, not females. I figured if I could beat a guy I definitely could defend myself in practically any violent situation.


Instead of support from my loved ones I got negative feedback and pressure to conform to how society said females were supposed to act. I was having none of that. I was not your typically female. I was going to follow my dreams and live my life on my terms; the  hell with what other people said. Tough talk, right? But eventually the naysayers and dream killers got to me. I eventually had children, got married, and went to on to get a college degree, and worked as a journalist at The Wall Street Journal.

After each failed marriage, (three in all), I decided I couldn’t let the dream killers swallow me up anymore. I had to live my life on my own terms. Eventually I came to the realization that marriage wasn’t for me, and that institution isn’t for everyone. I also realized that my job as a reporter, although it paid very well, my dream was to be a filmmaker. I also accepted the fact that I would never be the “typical” female by society’s standard, and that was just fine. Nothing was more important to me than turning my dreams into reality and I never doubted that I would achieve great things in life. My dreams became my passion each and every day. My dreams got me through some of the most difficult times in my life, including homelessness, drug addiction, and cancer.

The greatest feeling in the world is to not only dream, but to turn those dreams into reality, which I have been blessed to do.
The truth of the matter is that many of us give up on our dreams. Why? 

People allow the struggle, the hardship, the stress, the hard work, or the dream killers to get inside their heads. People throw in that proverbial towel when things get tough. They give up, quit, and abandon their dreams because they don’t want that dream bad enough. They make excuses. They can’t take another failure. They don’t want to make the sacrifices. They listen to what others say as oppose to listening to their heart.

First, let me say that there is nothing wrong with living a “normal” life. However, being a dreamer helps you live a spirited life; one filled with wild visions of things only you can imagine, and achieve. You look out and see the life you know you were destined to live. It comes to you like a movie from beginning to end. You may not be living that existence right now, but as long as you keep dreaming and striving to make that dream a goal and that goal a reality, it’s what fuels you each day, and helps you live with passion.

Here’s 8 Reasons Why It’s Important To Dream

1) To have a dream, you must have courage because if your dream is big enough, and it should be, people will think you have lost your damn mind. You will need courage to be unstoppable.

2) When things are really bad in your life dreams will help you keep going. They distract you from all the turmoil, stress or drama that’s going on.  Take a few moments each day, even several times a day, to close your eyes and envision your dream becoming reality.

3) On your journey to accomplishing your dream you will learn to be grateful, even for the failures. It’s the failures and setbacks that help you appreciate all that you accomplish. Failure it a big part of success because you learn from those mistakes. You change the plan or direction to get to the finish line.

4) Remember you are never too old to dream. Age means nothing when you know what you want.

5) It is fun proving to people, especially the naysayers, doubters, and haters, that they were wrong.

6) When you dream it helps you hold on to the notion that you can, and will, have a better life; one that’s filled with success and greatness.

7) Keep a journal of your dreams, with clear steps to take to turn those dreams into reality. Writing these proactive steps down will keep your organized, focused and determined.

8) Use a vision board as a source of imagery. Put the board filled with photos of your dream(s) in a place in your house or apartment where you can look at it throughout the day as a reminder.

The bottom line is this – You must believe in yourself wholeheartedly. You must keep your dreams close to your heart. You can’t allow anything, or anyone, to deter or misguide or re-direct your path to a life is destined to be filled with abundance, greatness and success.

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Why It’s Important To Eat A Cheat Meal

Jillian Bullock’s roommate and training partner, John Quinlan, spend a great deal of time together as they prepare for their upcoming Fighting Spirit Warriors: Fitness For Self-Defense Tour. John and Jillian train six, sometimes seven, days a week  with weights, mixed martial arts, boxing, and drills for cardio conditioning, strength and endurance.

Nutrition

Jillian and John also stick to a strict nutritional program that consists of protein drinks, egg whites, berries, apples, raw almonds, spinach and baked chicken (no skin of course.) Add in a gallon of water they each drink daily and they’re set.

(Protein Drinks)

(Spinach and Chicken)

But each Saturday night John and Jillian sit on the couch and let themselves have a little fun with a cheat meal as they watch a movie.

If you are on a strict diet and training program for any reason here’s why it’s important to have a cheat meal once a week. A cheat meal, not a cheat day.

You’ve Worked Hard

You’ve earned it, having adhered to a strict nutritional program all week of vegetables and chicken breast, now you look forward to indulging in your favorite foods that will consist of sugars, fat, and carbs. There are two main reasons it is vital for you to partake of junk food for one meal, once a week.

 

For Your Sanity

Psychologically, it's about making your diet seem doable. Even the most seasoned athlete would lose his or her sanity sticking to a strict diet over a number of months. You know you can eat clean six days a week if you have something wonderful to look forward to on the seventh day, like two slices of cherry cheesecake and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. You can eat the foods you enjoy for one cheat meal and not feel guilty. However, be mindful that a cheat meal does not mean you should binge. Nor should you go for seconds. Once you're done, that's it until the next cheat day. So take your time, chew and savor each bite of food and drink of your choice.

Kicks Up Your Metabolism

Jim White, a registered dietitian and spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association, stated: “After several days of consuming fewer calories than you burn, splurging can rev up your metabolism while stocking up glycogen for tomorrow's workout.”
When you eat a diet that is low in calories and carbohydrates, leptin levels drop. The purpose of leptin is to control hunger by telling the body when a person has had enough food or when they need to eat in order to avoid starvation. But when you are trying to stay lean or shed weight having low leptin levels will make your metabolism go into hibernation mode, which will make it difficult to drop weight.
However, when you do partake of food that is high in carbs, your blood sugars will shoot up and insulin levels will rise. In turn, your metabolism will speed up because your leptin levels are high.

Make It Fun

As you look forward to your one cheat meal of the way make it fun. Don’t just put a pile of food in front of you and chow down. Watch a movie, or go out with friends to a restaurant or having a barbeque with family, attend that wedding where there is bound to be good food and liquor. Whatever you want to do on that “special day” make it relaxing and enjoy.  Then the next day, get back on it – a clean diet.

A former wrestler, John has an extensive background in bodybuilding. He has competed in over 20 professional fitness physique competitions. For more on John check out his website - www.johnjquinlan.com 

Jillian holds two black belts, one in Tae Kwon Do and the other in Wing Chun. She currently trains in mixed martial arts and boxing. She is also a certified kettlebell instructor.  www.jbullockenterprises.com 

To learn more about Fighting Spirit Warriors: Fitness For Self-Defense and how you can book this program, go to – www.jillianbullockspeaker.com 

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